baby birds…

 matthew christian…

i guess my oldest really isn’t a baby anymore since he is now 13…sometimes i look at him and wonder how he has grown up so much all the while i have remained the same …i suppose i was a baby myself when i had him…21.  what did i know then?  not much…i had a high risk pregnancy…was hospitalized for a month hoping to delay delivery…but i ended up having him during a blizzard 12 weeks before he was due…he spent many days in NICU…but you would never know it by looking at him now…i look back at those days and wonder how i made it through…i didn’t have any spiritual grounding…but i do believe that god had his hand on me and used that experience to bring me some understanding of my need…he has grown into an amazing kid with an super spacious heart…just look at what a beauty he is…inside and out…it is so hard being a parent during this stage of life…watching them become their own individual selves…you hope that the harshness of the world just stays away from them…you want to keep them close and protect them, but you have to let them go out and become their own…

  

ethan phineas…

 my wild man…age 4…new year’s baby…born january 1, 2005…ethan was the same way in the womb as he is today in life…constantly moving, rib kicking, out of control…full-term…natural labor with a vengence…fast and furious…high maintence baby that was rarely put down and nursed like a pro (still sleeps right next to my side).  i got to experience so many new things with ethan…that it was like becoming a mom all over again…just in a different way…my heart expanded so much that i thought it might burst…ethan has so much energy that mike and i have to take turns throughout the day…he is all boy…but is completely obsessed with purses & bags, wears my shoes…and the ones he always goes for have beads and flower sequins all over them…i guess you could say he is kind of a cross-dresser…favorite color?  pink…of course!  he is also my creative one…a natural at painting & coloring…tells me he loves me about 800 times a day…and i never get sick of hearing it…i have had times a night when i watch him sleep…just watching the rise and fall of his chest…knowing that time is gone in a split second…and one day i will yearn for these days…and i try to tell my husband that when he grumbles out to the couch in the middle of the night because there is a foot in his face…

 

 

stella viola blue…

sweet baby.  named after one of my most cherished grateful dead songs…stella blue…or the guitar…whichever way you want to look at it…the viola is after mike’s grandma who has passed away…this is the girl that i waited for and longed to have…my most difficult pregnancy…the smell of lilacs to this day makes my stomach churn…born august 23, 2008…labor for >24 and a birth that is still somewhat difficult to talk about…i think i might save that as a separate entry…although it is hard to talk about, her birth experience showed me god on a level i didn’t think existed…i brought her home at 34weeks gestation, 4lb.12oz…so super small, but healthy…i am lucky and i count my blessings always…so happy and even tempered…such a little lover…she wants to be held and carried all of the time which i totally indulge her in…since she was cut short of her ride…i am doing my best to cherish her small babyness…since she will be my last addition to the nest…it’s crazy to think that i won’t ever be pregnant again…and this will be my last chance at breastfeeding…she is a perfect way to complete our family… 

Advertisement